Meeting the Brockmans
by LittleBritainFanatic
Summary: Sue's brother comes for a visit, but it turns out that his wheelchair bound friend Andy is coming with him.


Set in series One of Outnumbered.

* * *

"I didn't know you had a brother, Sue." Pete Brockman mused, leafing through his wife's address book.

The pair of them were alone in the living room - the children had reluctantly gone to bed - and, whilst Sue watched the TV, Pete was reading th closest thing to him, which just happened to be Sue's address book.

Sue looked up, realising what Pete was doing, "Why are you reading that?" She asked, bemused.

"I was bored." Pete grinned. They sat in silence for a few more seconds, and then Pete added, "But, I had no idea you had a brother."

Sue raised her eyebrows at him. "I don't see him very often because he lives up north. But don't you remember seeing him at Mum's funeral, Pete?"

Pete closed his eyes, trying to think. "What does he look like?"

"He's got curly brown hair, glasses, and tends to wear a leather jacket and track suit bottoms" Sue explained, although it had been years since she saw her brother, so he could have completely changed his appearance.

"Oh yeah," Pete said, remembering. "He was really nervous all the time, and had that disabled bloke with him."

That was the real reason why Sue never saw her brother; he looked after Andy, the most irritating, selfish person in the world. The last time she met Andy, he tried to take her handbag, and complained loudly about the funeral's food.

"Yeah." She mumbled, still thinking about Lou, her brother.

"He was nice, wasn't he?" Pete said. "We should invite him round for tea."

"I would like to see him again," Sue agreed, "But would you want to see Andy too?" Sue looked unimpressed at the thought.

"Oh come on, Sue, he can't be as bad as you remember," Pete said.

Sue said nothing, but pulled a face that said, _that's what you think._

* * *

The evening came around, but, naturally, the Brockmans weren't prepared for the impending visit at all. Whilst Sue tried to get Ben into his smart clothes, Pete was left to tidy up the kitchen. Unfortunately for him, it was a pigsty. It took nearly an hour, but Pete finally managed to get the surfaces and the floor clear and spotlessly clean. Which was when Karen came back in from the garden carrying a load of toys, trailing muddy footprints across the lino.

"Karen!" He moaned.

Karen just grinned sheepishly, and ran upstairs.

Defeated, Pete left the ruined floor, and wandered into the living room. Jake, wearing a shirt and tie, had his feet up on the coffee table. His eyes were slightly unfocused as he stared at the TV screen, watching what looked like a documentary on airports.

"Having a bit of trouble, Dad?" Jake grinned, looking up at his annoyed father. Pete gave him a look. "Mum said our Uncle Lou was coming round, but I didn't know we had one."

"Yeah, you do," Pete said, sitting down on the other sofa, "But we haven't seen him for ten years." He paused as he heard a massive thump from upstairs, and just sighed, not bothered by that sort of thing any more.

"Pete!" Came Sue's voice, sounding wound up. "Can I have some help, please?"

Sighing as if it took an enormous amount od effort, Pete hauled himself to his feet, and trudged up the stairs. He soon saw what was the problem: Ben had decided to spray Sue with the shower head, and she, he and the room were all soaked.

"Ben, that's not a toy, is it?" Pete said sternly, only to get sprayed in the face.

"It's fun though!" Ben cried, eyes wide.

"See my problem?" Sue snapped, trying to grab the shower head off of her youngest son.

It was then that the doorbell rang.

"Brilliant." Sue said sarcastically, "I can't answer the door like this."

Before Pete could reply, Karen went running down the stairs, "I'll answer it!" She yelled.

Pete and Sue exchanged glances; Karen was the last person who should answer the front door in their house, because she had a habit of driving the visitors nuts.

* * *

Karen reached up and unlatched the front door. As she opened it, she was met by the sight of two men. One of them was standing up, showing her how tall he was. He had dark brown, curly, shoulder length hair, glasses, very goofy teeth, and was dressed strangely, wearing a leather jacket with a t-shirt and track suit bottoms. His companion was in a wheelchair, and wore a dirty grey vest and purple track suit bottoms. His thick glasses magnified his eyes, and his straggly blonde hair framed his chunky face. Unlike the tall man, who was smiling nervously, he stared into space, looking absent minded.

"Who are you?" Karen asked bluntly.

"You must be Karen," The smiling man began, lisping heavily, but Karen interrupted.

"How do you know my name?" Karen sounded suspicious.

"I'm your uncle, Lou." He explained, "And this is my friend Andy."

Karen was about to speak again when Sue appeared behind her. Her face lit up when she saw her brother.

"Hello, Sue." Lou said, looking excited to see her.

"It's great to see you," She grinned, "Come in." Sue and Karen backed out of the way, allowing Lou and Andy to enter their house. Neither Sue nor Lou really realised what they were getting themselves into.

* * *

Sue led Lou into the kitchen-dining room, where he parked Andy's wheelchair beside the table. It was blatently obvious by the way he leasned against a chair to catch his breath that pushing the wheelchair made him very tired. Which wasn't surprising, really, when you looked at how fat Andy was.


End file.
